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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol