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I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Attention fuels immaturity
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Soup of the day: Beer
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.