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Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…