Daily Silly Status

That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.

When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?

HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T

Why do cops ask us why we think they pulled us over? It`s their job. I dont go to the station and ask why they think I created a powerpoint.

My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.

What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?

When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"

Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.

Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.

I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together

I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.

Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?

Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.

A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.