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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, Iām picking your pockets.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
Smelling another person should be a choice.