Daily Silly Status

Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.

The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.

So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m

You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......

Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"

My weekends are basically just spent splitting a bloomin` onion with my bros at Outback Steakhouse while trying to figure out why girls don`t like us.

"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."

Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?

You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.

So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.

Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.

I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.

My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.

Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.