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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.