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If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
You look like I need another drink
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
I’m convinced that the employees of McDonalds were just customers who could pay and are working off their bills.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.