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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
Why do cops ask us why we think they pulled us over? It`s their job. I dont go to the station and ask why they think I created a powerpoint.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.