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From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn`t even eat them.
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.
I fake my lol`s