Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.