Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.