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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
Iām over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?