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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.