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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.