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Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
I need something that`s more than coffee but less than cocaine.
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?