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Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.