Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending Iām not excited.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.