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How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?