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My wife and I are dieting now… and by dieting, I mean we’re not telling each other about the junk food we eat.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
I have this empty feeling inside of me. Wait, there`s my drink.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it