Daily Silly Status

Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated

Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "

Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.

I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.

I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.

The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.

I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.

Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.

I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.

One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.

When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"

OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!

I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.

12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.

Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.