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there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.