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The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Ways to die: Steal my food.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.