Daily Silly Status

I like the part of the day when food happens.

For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.

I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.

I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.

Time flies when you`re throwing watches.

You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...

Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.

The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered

Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were

Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.

If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.

I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.

Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".

If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?

Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!