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Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
life is short play naked
COCKADOODLEDOOOOOO!!!!
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.