Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
I know money talks but I wish mine had a better vocabulary instead of just ‘Spend me’.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
Don’t believe everything you think.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.