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Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Afraid of not getting what you ordered when online shopping…..Ha, try online dating
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.