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I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.