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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.
Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Been there, done that. allegedly
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
It`d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.