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They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.