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Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch