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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
I think...therefore, I am.....single
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked ... So did all the other people at the post office.
Tieam... problem solved