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Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone`s head.
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.