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HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
I think instead of doing laundry I`m just going to buy a second hamper...
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.