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Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!