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Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.