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My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
Hi Iām an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.