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I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
My inner self is in Photoshop
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we`re playing Cowboys and Indians and I`m a double agent.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.