Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
I just want you to be happy. And naked.