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I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
It`s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
Son: am I adopted? Me: not yet, but we`re hopeful.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.