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Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!