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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell