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I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
Walmart needs observation decks.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.