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Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.