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I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!