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I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.