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I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke