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Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?