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You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.