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Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.