Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?
I play hard to get along with.