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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III soley because we enjoy trilogies.
BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!:D
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.