Daily Silly Status

I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...

For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"

Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.

If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.

Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out

Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.

One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.

Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.

Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.

Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.

Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.

A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.

I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.

I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!

So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?