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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......