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Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
It`s not cellulite, it`s my body`s way of saying "I`m sexy" ... in braille.
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
Johnny : Pull my finger Tommy : No Johnny: "Come Bro Do IT!!" Tommy : fine ... Johnny : *SNEEZE IN THE FACE*
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/