Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
Iron man is a super hero, Iron woman is a command.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.