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I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?