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Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.