Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
It should really be called teethpaste.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.