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Ever been completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?