Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.