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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
The package says "Do not eat raw cookie dough" but all I really see is "Pillsbury hates you and doesn`t want you to be happy."
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.