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Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Have you ever noticed how people who play candy crush are always saying they need a life?
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride