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Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
"Bros before hoes" is something a bro without a hoe would say.
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.