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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
I`m now fit to make my regular annual resolution. The accomplishment is the problem
I`m not lazy I just really enjoy doing nothing!!
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
Beauty is only a light switch away...
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
Chip clips are for quitters.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.