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It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
High fiving was the original "like".
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally