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Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
can be sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, welcoming, loyal, trust-worthy, forgiving, understanding, and giving. But not to today!
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
My 5 year plan includes purchasing a Slurpee machine.
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches
Today I´m going to entertain the kids with a game of duct, duct, tape.