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I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
Care less and you’ll stress less.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.
Bad decisions make good stories.