Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Things I use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.