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No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.